After I read, Love is a Mixtape and learned about bands the author loved, I have slowly been getting into The Hold Steady. They’re “typicalish” NYC post-punk with Nirvana and Pavement influences fused with a bit of good old rock ‘n roll. I picked up their latest album, Stay Positive, at the library and listened to it late last night and a song made me stop what I was doing and listen more closely.
This was the lyric from the song “Lord, I’m Discouraged.”
“Lord, I’m sorry to question your wisdom
but my faith has been wavering
Won’t you show me a sign,
And let me know that you’re listening?”
I was drawn to the words of lament that sounded as if they came straight from the book of Psalms. I found the lyrics on-line, and I listened to the song again. The song follows the story of a girl who’d ill and not getting better. The narrator is grieving a lost chance at love. He’s questioning how this could ever happen. And the song climaxes with a cry of lament from a heart willing to speak the questions so many of us have at so many points in our lives.
This may be when we see the thousands displaced by yet ANOTHER natural disaster. Hasn’t the Gulf Coast had enough disasters for a lifetime? Hear about the hundreds of thousands displaced by war, corruption, and famine all over the world…
We’ve thought the words when after months and months of waiting with baited breath and increased excitement yet find disappointment when it comes down to the last minute. A house not selling and needing to make new decisions, an adoption falling through and starting from square one, or a job just not working out as expected.
This is the cry of the world looking at a brokenness around them. I have no idea of where the band is coming from spiritually, but The Hold Steady gave voice to the cries of the masses. We sometimes cringe at questions like these; they’re ugly and full of doubt. Or are they?
Moses fought with God for the people of Israel. Abraham fought with God over Lot and his family. Paul questioned God’s plan when He wouldn’t take away an issue. Even Jesus himself asked for the cup to be taken away. And sometimes God does, and sometimes God doesn’t. I do know that prayer works: houses do sell, grace is given by unexpected aid, adoptions do pull through in the final hours. That is the beauty of the fight on our knees.
In all honesty, and this may get me in touble, but I’m not sure it’s wrong to question God anymore. I’ve faught hard with him over depression for both Jenna and me. Yet I’ve found peace spoken through his word, through the community he’s brought into my life, and especially in the answers given in hindsight. That basic fact that I can’t always know the heart of the Father, but I can rest in the comfort that he knows the plans better than I do. That he will and DOES bring beauty from ashes.
Filed under: faith, life, music | Tagged: broken world, depression, faith and questioning God, fighting with God, hold steady song lyrics, how do we make sense of the brokenness in the world, how do we understand the will of god, i'm discouraged lyrics, is it ok to question God?, lord, spiritual insight from pop culture, the hold steady
You won’t get in trouble with me. Personally, I don’t see any way that authentic faith wouldn’t involve questioning God – and not just the safe type that assumes an answer before even asking the question.
Great post. It is sooooo hard sometimes to believe. When things go wrong…sometimes spectacularly wrong…it just is easier to think there is no one out there than to trust someone who allows hardship to continue. Sometimes, like now for instance, God seems so intangible. I find myself looking to other people to see God’s image reflected in their life. And that works so long as they don’t stumble too…but they always do. To be authentic, I think doubt HAS to be part of the package.
Thanks again for this post. It is nice to see a light in the distance when you are groping around in the dark.
Knowing what little I do of God’s character, I can’t imagine that he wants us to be passivists. That He enjoys a good conversation, a well-thought out argument or plan from us. It brings Him honor when we use the resources, brains, insight and knowledge that He’s given us. That’s how I feel as a parent, and I’m sure God feels the same way when we as His kids dialogue with Him. He probably swells with pride when we approach Him with questions, or a thought outside the box, or decide to go heart to heart and wrestle over an issue. I know I sure would have questioned God if I were Abraham being told to kill my son–I would have said, “the God I know doesn’t ask for pagan-like sacrifices to prove loyalty to Him–especially from someone as sinful as I am”. I like the alternate view of that story where God’s angel is sent to stop Abraham from blindly following what he thinks God is telling him to do when it clearly goes against common sense and God’s character. But what do I know? I’m just doin’ my level best on this bumpy, bouncy ride to the top.
I was wondering what all the racket coming from upstairs was last night–I rolled my eyes as I heard jangly music, but if posts like this come out of music like that…then let’s throw another quarter in the juke box and let ‘em play.