First of all, I have to say that warm weather, night driving and WILCO go very well together. I’m in this Yankee Hotel Foxtrot kind of mood that I just can’t seem to shake. The first song on the disk is “I’m Trying to Break Your Heart
I’ve been overwhelmed lately with the fact that I’m being taught lessons about what it might mean to live life in God’s economy. This may all sound a little random, but that’s my life right now it seems.
Jenna and I have been on a quest to simplify for the past year or so. We’ve been blessed with way too much stuff, and we’re trying our hardest not to add more. We’ve gone back down to one car. We’ve paid off the deck. We’ve got a great plan to pay off the Mini-Van. The only debt will be the house, and I have a feeling we’ll want to tackle that too. We want freedom not more money. To have no financial burdens owed to banks sounds like a plan worth keeping. How is this breaking my heart? I like stuff, perhaps more than most people. I like name brands. I love shoes and gadgets, cameras and lenses. Stuff. I also like vacations and road trips. I miss that at one time Jenna and I could take off at the drop of a hat and head off to Chicago for a weekend. My ego hurts every time that I turn down an invitation to lunch or breakfast. However, adding more stuff, eating out at nice restaurants and taking trips to Chi-town for the weekend will not make me any happier, and in fact is spending money that could otherwise go toward paying off a financial burden. I know this, and it still hurts sometimes. My heart is being broken to find my happiness in God and in the blessings of family and community rather than in stuff that will be sent to Goodwill in 6 months.
I’ll be in Kenya in less than 90 days. In preparation I’ve been reading, watching documentaries about the plight of Africans in a land where they seem so easily robbed of life be that actually or metaphorically. I can’t get over how the world has generally taken advantage of the peoples of Africa. There is need, dyer need for life and restoration and the task is insurmountable, literally I’m not sure there is an end in sight. Governments will continue to supply arms to rebel forces in exchange for oil or access to water ways. AIDS will continue to ravage through the villages as education is so limited as is access to preventative resources. I can’t be egotistical and think that I will do anything to impact a bunch of kids outside of Kenya. But I know that my heart will break for a needy world that needs to be given sustainable life and the love of Jesus.
Money and my trip to Kenya is a huge example of this. My daughter Ellison is perhaps a smaller one. This sweet little girl who most of the time wouldn’t hurt a fly, though I’ve seen her wail on her big brother when a game isn’t going so well. But I’m off topic. She is one of the clumsiest people I know. She’s continually tripping, missing the fact that there are corners in the house, and losing balance on chairs or couches. It breaks my heart to see sweet Elli have spill after spill. She needs hugs all the time, not just when she’s fallen, but all the time.
Today I was asked to carry a casket to a funeral at the church. Life is short, make the most of it and be good.
Jenna brings home story after story of women suffering the pains of PPD, so many women with little resources to take care of all of them. We feel like we have to do something, but what and how and when? Nothing seems fast enough.
There are others small and large but too many to capture here.
Please be open to the idea that your heart may need some breaking. Your life may need some changing. Mine does. I embrace it. I don’t always get it right, just ask my wife, but I’m trying. I want to be more like Jesus, which means I need to curb some anger problems, get over myself, and stop being so serious all the time. I need Jesus to help me do this. I also need my community to help kick my butt when I need it, and don’t worry, I’ll do the same. Peace.
