Kids, meet cable TV.

Yep, it’s true. We don’t have cable. Used to, don’t anymore. We’ll see what happens after this whole digital conversion in February, but for now it’s bunny ears.

This happens every time they enounter the wonders of cable television…

kids, meet cable tv
 
You’d think they’ve never watched a TV before…

Remembering Grandpop.

Grandpop and Ellison reading...

Late on Friday night, Jenna’s grandfather went home to be with Jesus. He was 91 years old.

Grand-pop was a good, good man. For the past 10 years, he had welcomed me into his family as one of is own grand-kids. His faith in God stood the test of time. His love and generosity towards others has taught me one lesson after another. And his marriage of 65 years is a primer on how to do marriage right! He and Grand-mom were still bubbly in love after all those years.

Grandmom at the Campfire...

I’m gonna miss him a lot, his warmth, his prayers, his jokes and one-liners. And as hard as it is to grieve his passing, I know that right now he’s laughin’ it up with Jesus.

Love you, Grand-pop! We’ll see you soon…

PS. You can read Jenna’s tribute here.

Thanksgiving List

A God who sustains and loves even when I’m at my worst

a wife who encourages and inspires greatness and loves me more everyday

my children who make me smile and cry sometimes at the same time

my daughters who always make sure there is DRAMA in our life

my son whose curiosity can put my own to shame

extended family who continually support us in prayer

an amazing pharmacist, good meds, and sanity

Life without PPD and Anxiety

A job I love

Coworkers that continually encourage me

A boss who casts vision I believe in

a ministry team who climbs mountains with me

volunteers who bleed children’s ministry

ministry partners all over the world

the color ORANGE!

a church where family matters

my kids don’t hate church

two guys who keep me in check every Wednesday morning

community and neighbors who care

a house on a great street in an amazing school district

blogs and bloggers and web2.0

connecting with friends old and new

Authors who pour their heart on the page

Publishers who make it possible for the public to read those pages

photographs and cameras

Flickr to see and connect with our family at home and abroad

free wifi

Working vehicles

debt-free living and God’s AMAZING provision

adoption associates, inc

an exciting and fast-paced adoption process so far

#10(ish) and counting

good coffee… and even bad coffee when good coffee isn’t available

How about you? What are you thankful for in this past year?

exceptions to the rule.

Meant to post this on Tuesday: Life got a bit hectic there for a bit.

Over the weekend Jenna was at her parents’ house in Oklahoma City with Addi. This of course meant that it was Liam, Elli and me here in GR fending for ourselves. There are aspects of our life that we try and keep to a minimum: eating out (or not), going to movies/renting videos, and mixing work with church. But for the past weekend, it seems that we’ve thrown some of those rules out the window.

1. Eating out: Rarely do we eat out as a family. First of all with five of us, it gets expensive. Secondly, have you tried to eat a meal out at a restaurant with three kids 5 and under? You wouldn’t either. However, this weekend I’ve eaten out twice with the kids. They’ve been really well behaved (for the most part), and how can you resist: “Dad, can we go to a restaurant with coloring pages?” when you yourself are starving after working the Saturday evening service. Thankfully we have the eating out line item, we usually just don’t eat out twice and spend a third of it in one weekend.

2. Going to the movies: There are some line items on the budget that we just do not put money in. One of those is the movies/video rental category. We’re all about the library when it comes to DVDs; check out from the library they are free. When you rent them or go see them, they are not. And while it means that I’m not up on all the recent films that come out, it’s saving us money every month. I needed something special to finish off the weekend with the kids as they seriously have been amazing. Wall-E was still playing at the cheap theater. Still having money left on a gift card, I only had to buy one ticket. We had a great night at the movies for $3.50. Now you may think, what it’s only $3.50… keep a real budget, $3.50 matters. But this weekend I gladly spent it for my two kids and a fun night out. When kids laugh, it is one of the most beautiful sounds ever.

3. My work schedule: Jenna and the kids go to church on Saturday nights. We go as a family, leave as a family. It’s easier for Jenna, and the kids get to have a total chill out day on Sunday while I work. We try out absolute hardest to separate my work at church from actually attending church. But this Sunday we broke a major rule, the kids went with me to church at the start of my work day and had to follow me everywhere while I finished the normal last minute work before the kid’s environments opened. Liam and Elli ended up attending all three hours of Discovery Village over the course of the weekend. Thankfully they said had a great time (Liam LOVED being in the castle) and both could tell me the story for the week verbatim, but there’s no way I would do that to them every week. BUT, I do have to say that having my own kids affirm the environments and ministry I help create each week is perhaps the best compliment I could receive!

Having a weekend full of exceptions was nice. I’ve been having a great time focused on enjoying Liam and Ellison. They continually made me laugh and challenged me to keep up with them. We even did a Thanksgiving CRAFT! (That’s right; I put my elementary education to work!) They were absolute troopers keeping up with me and treating them to movies and restaurants was my absolute pleasure.

I’m still set on keeping the rules; after all, that makes the exceptions all the more fun.

needle and thread.

It’s one of those wintry days here in Grand Rapids, overcast and snowy, perfect for staying in even when you need to go out. The day is filled with thoughts that I process with bits of gray and sadness. I don’t really have words. So often, when my words fall short of my emotions, I usually stumble upon the lyrics of a poet to express what I can’t. Playing a Sleeping at Last album in the car on the way to pick up Ellison from school, that happened. The song “Needle and Thread” came on and expressed all that I couldn’t about my day. That is the beauty of art: It speaks when we can’t. It comforts when we are most upset. And can bring hope in the midst of sadness.

Today I’m praying hard, knowing that the Author of life is in control of each moment of our days.

When the world welcomes us in,
We’re closer to Heaven than we’ll ever know.
They say this place has changed,
But strip away all of the technology
And you will see
That we all are hunters,
Hunting for something that will make us okay.

Here we lay alone in hospital beds,
Tracing life in our heads;
But all that is left
Is that this was our entrance and now it’s our exit,
As we find our way home.

All the blood and all the sweat
That we invested to be loved
Follows us into our end,
Where we begin to understand

That we are made of love,
And all the beauty stemming from it.
We are made of love,
And every fracture caused by the lack of it.

“You were a million years of work,”
Said God and His angels, with needle and thread.
They kissed your head and said,
“You’re a good kid and you make us proud.
So just give your best and the rest will come,
And we’ll see you soon.”

All the blood and all the sweat
That we invested to be loved
Follows us into our end,
Where we begin to understand

That maybe Hollywood was right:
When the credits have rolled and the tears have dried,
The answers that we have been dying to find
Are all pieced together and, somehow,
Made perfectly mine.

We are made of love,
And all the beauty stemming from it.
We are made of love,
And every fracture caused by the lack of love

it’s only a broken cup.

Yesterday I read a tweet from Jenna:

Almost made it to 9 years without breaking a dish from our Wedgewood everyday set–Elli dropped a teacup and broke it this morning. I am sad.

I vividly remember registering for the place settings. We were in Macy’s and realized that we already had fine China and could choose some nice every day dishes. We chose this very 1999 Wedgwood Everyday pattern, but they were nice. And perhaps more importantly we agreed that we both liked them. We registered for 12 place settings (we knew that we’d be entertaining even then) at Macy’s AND JC Penny’s. All said and done we ended up with 18 place settings.

I’m not kidding.

But Jenna had her heart set on a Kitchen Aid Mixer… so we took a few back and bought ourselves a mixer too!

It’s crazy to think that was nine years ago when the memories are still so fresh in my mind.

Crazier to think that nine years ago today, Jenna and I said our vows and pledged our commitment to each other ’til death do us part.

happy couple

Yesterday as Jenna and I chatted back and forth across Twitter and gTalk (I promise we really do have face to face conversations!) about the tea cup. I couldn’t help but be thankful that it’s only a cup that is broken.

Sure, we may have a chip or two, maybe some paint wearing off here and there. I guess 9 years of marriage can do that to you:

Three moves. Three kids and an adoption process. Seminary and grad school. Several jobs. Depression battles. House projects. Road trips and Exploding cars. Ins and Outs. Ups and downs. But in the end…

LOVE.

We’re still here and more in love today than yesterday.

So it’s only a broken cup, we’ll find a new one on Ebay. It’s not a metaphor for what’s happened to our marriage. It’s a reminder of what’s not happened to our marriage. I’m OK with a broken cup.

JAS~ Thank you for growing old with me. I love you more than words can possibly say. I’m thankful for each step of the journey, for they have brought us here. And here is really good. ~DTM

Photo Booth: November 19

November 19

I had an early start to the morning because of men’s group. On the way, the Jeep spun a 180 on a nice ole patch of Michigan black ice. Thankfully no one was around, and the spinning was fun… rather than tragic.

It’s only 11:30, and my morning has been filled with script writing, e-mail correspondence, and deep conversations about life and ministry. It’s exciting to see movement and think about what could be out on the horizon. But while I really do love this sort of morning, right now it’s rather giving me a bit of a headache.

I could use an espresso, but looks like I’ll have to settle for whatever smells like it’s burning in the church kitchen.

How’s your day going?

Currently Reading: The Undertaking.

A few nights ago I began reading The Undertaking by Thomas Lynch. A co-worker of mine thought it would be my kind of book, called it a must read. For not knowing him very long, he was right. This is my kind of book and so far I’m engrossed.

On the surface the book seems disturbing, even the subtitle is “Life stories from the dismal trade.”

Yep, that sort of undertaking.

The stories have this memoir feel to them as they deal with the life of faith when all that surrounds seems to point towards more questions than answers.

I’m not sure that Kelly new my background with anxiety when he recommended the book. I even told him after a day or so into the book that reading essays about death and dying this would surely be therapy for me. I will admit that there are moments where I’ve wanted to shut the book and give up, but Lynch’s writing is just too good.

In the first chapter, he writes, “…the meaning of life is inextricably tied to the meaning of death.” And he’s absolutely right. How we live has no other choice then to be tied to how we think or fear about death. I’ve experienced and lived my life with death looming over me as the object of my anxiety. Life was hell in those moments, literally. I’m thankfully passed the worst of it and being healed one day at a time.

In The Undertaking, Lynch focuses much of his discussion on the living. Lynch understands and eloquently describes that there is so much more to life than focusing on its end. To you, this may sound like one of the most obvious statements you have ever heard, but to those of us with a panic disorder, the end of life can pretty much preoccupy our minds so much that we become debilitated. But the hope is that in the end there is redemption and return to life. In one of my favorite passages Lynch writes,

“and of all God’s gifts, the best is language-the power to name and proclaim and identify, to fashion from the noisy void of our lexicons for birds of the air, fishes in the seas, what grows in the greensward; and for contempt and affection, pleasure and pain, beauty and order and their absences. In a world where Someone’s in Charge, all of the endings are not happy ones, more is every utterance a benediction. But for every death there’s some redemption; for every loss, an Easter out there with our name on it, for every woe a return to wooing.”

“For every loss, an Easter out there with our name on it…” I love that. I’m finding more of Easter every single day. And while I’m not finished with my battle against anxiety, I find life and healing in my faith, in my wife and kids, and in those who walk the journey with me. There remains so much life yet to be lived and embraced. I don’t want to miss a single moment.

I’m only about a third of the way through the book; I look forward to the rest of this and the other Thomas Lynch book sitting patiently on my dresser.

So enough about me, what book is rocking your world right now?

Photo Booth: November 17

I’m sure of it, today will be a good day. While I’d like still to be sleeping in my warm bed, I’m up and at ‘em and ready for a great day ahead.

November 17

Why, you may ask?
1. Every Tuesday morning we have a Family Ministries win celebration. All of us gather for coffee and bagels, one person shares the wins their area of ministry has seen over the past few weeks, and then that person gets prayed for. Today is my turn. Anyone can find benefit in being prayed for!

2. I’m THRILLED for what’s on the horizon, excited just thinking about it.

3. I’m having a slammin’ hair day.

4. Today I will earn my paycheck. It’s a meeting day, a day filled with great conversations that will shape future ministry. God is doing such great things here, I’m blessed to play a role in his work.

5. Plus, it’s November 17. And who can’t be excited on November 17?!

What are you looking forward to today?

baptisms.

For the past year or so whenever we have baptisms at Ada, I get all giddy. I watch and smile, maybe even shed a tear or two, definitely get chills.

I find this quite interesting actually as I look back to my childhood and adolescents. I used to DREAD watching people get baptized. I always came away with some deep sense of guilt for not participating; a guilt that was mixed with a bit of satisfaction that I’d escaped baptism for one more year.

I knew that I should get baptized. I knew that if I was going to call myself a follower of Jesus I would eventually have to get into the tank and go under… and come back up. But for the longest time I just never ready to make that commitment. This may of course come as a surprise to many, but I’m just being real. I wanted to be committed to Jesus 100% (or at least 95.95%) before going under. I wasn’t going to do something I didn’t really want to do.

Well, as you gather from reading this blog, I’m committed. I did eventually decide that I was in this for the long haul, and when I was 17 I publicly professed my desire to follow Jesus and strive to know him deeply. While I know that I prayed a prayer asking Jesus “into my heart” when I was four, I look back at that Sunday night back in 1994 as really the beginning of my faith journey on so many levels. Perhaps the most significant is that was really the moment where my parent’s faith became my own.

For the past eight weeks, Ada Bible has been conducting baptisms after the Saturday night service.

bapstims

Each service I fill with joy to hear the story and share in the milestone taking place. Most often, I have no relationship to the person getting baptized, yet we celebrate as if they are our best friends. Baptism has become for me one of the most beautiful expressions of faith.

This past Saturday night our good friend was baptized. As her story was read, Jenna and I are both crying, holding the kids so they can see too. Her story, like so many, was marked with ups and downs. The story was a beautiful testimony to an amazing God who loved and gave is perfect Son who sent the Spirit to move and grow us in becoming more like the Son. It was about following Jesus with a whole heart.

It was a good, good night. The baptisms made me smile and thankful for the opportunities we have to walk this journey with with such amazing people. Congratulations, dear friends, we are hear beside you each step of the way… we’re blessed to walk with you.